After working with students for more than 20 years to help them navigate the college admissions journey, I am more convinced than ever that the process is about much more than “getting in.” I realize that this is what most students and families focus on in this era of ultracompetitive admissions; however, before we ever consider the names of colleges, we need to evaluate whether a student is prepared – not just academically, but emotionally – to be on their own at college. More than ever, colleges are reporting increasing numbers of students with mental health problems. A well-navigated college admissions journey should emphasize not only grades, test scores, and extracurricular activities, but also maturity, independence and sound decision making. By the time students graduate from high school, they should have confidence in their ability to evaluate situations and make good decisions on their own. After discussing the pros and cons of a decision, parents need to start giving their student the opportunity to make their own decisions early in high school.
There are many smaller decisions that need to be made in high school, for example:
• What class should I take next year?
• Do I have to take that 4th year of foreign language even if I don’t want to?
• I’m tired of X activity. Can I discontinue it for senior year?
• Should I keep studying and take that SAT one more time even though it would be nice to be done with the stress of testing?
Every time students makes a decision, they gain confidence in their ability to make good choices. Consequently, they are more prepared to make that important final choice at the end of the process. It’s fine for parents to provide guidance along the way, but the decisions should be up to the student.
This belief was reinforced for me this year when a family with whom I had not initially worked called me in April in a panic because the student had declined offers of admission and submitted a deposit at a school that was not appropriate academically. The large state school certainly would have been four years of fun, but it would not have provided the academic and career preparation the student needed. If the student’s college process had emphasized what was truly important about choosing a college, and if the student had been given the opportunity to make decisions about his education throughout high school, he would have been better prepared to make that final decision.
As scary as it is for parents to let students handle decisions on their own, it is wise to keep those helicopter blades stationary. Letting students go off to college without the independence and decision making skills they need is even more scary.
© Copyright March, 2026
Northcoast Educational Consulting
